The Page That Would Hang The DJ James Milner joining Liverpool is a 'step forward' (if you're a Liverpool fan), Karim Benzema and Morgan Schneiderlin are both in the bag for Man United and...

Nothing To See Here The top story on FIFA.com on Thursday at 10.30am: 'Brazil comeback confirms qualification.' Is anybody not talking about the Under-20 World Cup? Red-Tinted Glasses 'AT FIRST glance, it may seem like James Milner is taking a step down,' writes Paul Joyce of the Daily Express. Yes, Paul, it really does. 'After all, he is swapping title challengers for a team not even in the Champions League and a club with deep pockets for one alarmed by the prospect of Financial Fair Play rules being relaxed,' writes Paul Joyce of the Daily Express. Absolutely, Paul. Indeed. He has left the second-best side in England for the sixth. It's definitely a step down. 'And yet in reality Milner's free transfer move to Liverpool represents a step forward in his career,' writes Liverpool fan Paul Joyce of the Daily Express. The Transfer Trail Great news, Manchester United fans: Karim Benzema is in the bag. 'Manchester United 'confident of completing Karim Benzema transfer'' says the Metro. Bloody brilliant. Benzema scored 22 goals in all competitions last season and would be an excellent replacement for Robin van Persie. Bong! Wait a minute, we can hear the Bullsh*t Gong that sounds at the sight of the name 'Jamie Sanderson'. Maybe Benzema is not in the bag after all. Or are we being massively cynical? He writes: 'Manchester United are convinced they're set to seal the signing of Karim Benzema, according to reports.' 'Convinced' is an excellent word. But what are these reports? Squawka. Bloody Squawka. Their headline? 'Reports: Man Utd believe they can sign Karim Benzema this summer.' We have already gone from 'convinced' to 'believe they can' and we still have a 'reports'. Where to now? The trail actually ends at the Manchester Evening News with this headline: 'Manchester United looking to cushion David De Gea blow with Karim Benzema swap.' So we have gone from 'convinced' to 'believe they can' to 'looking to' in three easy steps.
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